A LOVE CIRCLE

Hi, we have arrived at the third week of the love month already, and it’s post-Valentine! How have the past weeks been for you? Also, I definitely would be committing an offence if I failed to ask you this; how was the Valentine’s celebration at your end? I trust that you had a good day, and indeed a good month showering your loved ones, family, and friends, with well-deserved love.

However, now that Valentine’s Day is over, it should not be an excuse to put a pause or even a stop to your love walk. Keep the tempo moving, and maintain the energy! Let the flow with which you have journeyed in this month be extended into the other months of the year. In all you do, always remember that you are a love being, and you have that great nature!

We will be wrapping up our blog post series this month by discussing specifically about friendship as I hinted last week. This concept is so in tune with the season, and it is a good time to spot the loopholes and broken walls that exist in our relationships, and work on mending or repairing them. With this, dear tribe member, you’re welcome to the LOVE CIRCLE!

Let me give you a quick backstory into this subject matter. As we were stepping into 2025, one of the areas that I had to deeply evaluate was my friendships and how the walk has been going. There was something that was impressed strongly in my mind at that time, which forms the basis of what we will be discussing today.

A key realization that I stepped out of that moment of reflection with was that it is not always about making new friends, meeting new people, or changing your friends. As beautiful as that is or sounds, or as important and relevant as it might be in some cases, it is equally cool that you are intentional, and you first make an effort to work on your existing relationships.

A lot of times, we are quick to put people in a box and just immediately wrap it up once it seems like the friendship energy that once existed is getting toned down, and it is sad that we often do that without even making any attempt to salvage and maintain the bond. I’ll say at those times, we can also be quite selfish in our conclusion, as we make ourselves the centre of attention with zero or little thought about the other person.

Now, this is not a call to justify bad associations or friendships that propel us to compromise our good morals and values. We have also been forewarned that “evil communication (bad company or associations) corrupts good manners, morals, or character” (1 Corinthians 15:33), and that is a warning to always take note of. However, this post borders on great friendships that sometimes come to a halt based on offences or even assumptions.

It is thumbs-up worthy that we want to prioritize our mental health and peace. Of course, good friendships should have healthy dynamics in which we’re about the good and overall well-being of each other, without entertaining toxic thoughts, words, or actions. However, as we are ticking these boxes in our favour, it should be noted that responsibilities are backing those great features, responsibilities which are ours to keep as well and not just laid on the other party.

In my books, and which I believe could be for all, one of the most inspiring examples of quality friendships is what David and Jonathan shared (1 Samuel 18-20). Oh my, their friendship was beautiful! Talk about a friendship decorated with zero jealousy, pure intentions, having difficult conversations, secret codes of communication for dangerous moments, the right love languages in place, and other attributes you might love to add to the list! Theirs is such a worthy example to replicate in our relationships, and we have lessons to draw from them as well!

Returning to my backstory, a few days after this particular reflection moment, I came across two different events where this same thought process was discussed. At those points, and as a way of strengthening my resolution, I knew that this topic was going to be part of my outline in February, as I would love to share some of the things I learnt from those sessions with you. And here, you have them already! Once again, welcome to today’s post!

Let’s talk about the way forward! Rather than just try to look for the next available new acquaintance or switch at the slightest inconvenience, have you considered looking closely into your circle and fixing the issues? Are you aware that friendship, like any other relationship, takes intentionality and requires work to be done, and are you willing to do the work going forward? If you’re answering yes to these questions, then we have so much to learn together.

First, you must understand that friendship is God-ordained, God-recognized, and God-defined! Just as we would say and believe about marriage, which is the truth, friendship finds its roots in the Bible. When you hear that “there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24b), “the heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense” (Proverbs 27:9), or “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend” (Proverbs 27:17), don’t you think that is something worthy of your close attention?

Therefore, if friendships are of such great importance and are key markers for growth and progress in our journey, it is a relationship to be attended to with great care and not just thrown away based on things that are not worth sacrificing for or won’t matter in the long run. It is important that we nurture and set a good course for our Godly and goodly friendships.

Kindly draw closer, let me whisper something in your ears, or would you recommend that I make use of a megaphone so it can ring out loud? If you will begin to get the best out of your friendships, you have to remember that people are imperfect, including you! Ouch, I’m sorry if that hurts, but if we are being honest, we know it’s the truth!

Friendship is also a journey of imperfect people making a decision to walk together and striving to put out the fires of imperfections that could spark as they go ahead on that journey. If only we would extend this grace to one another and learn to be more patient and humble in our walk, we would build a good relationship.

Rather than dwell on the imperfect nature of people, be big on their great qualities, one of which is your strong conviction about the fact that they love you. This is an important foundation for a friendship that is going to bring the best out of both parties. However, it should be noted that discerning love goes beyond face value or appearance. If love and respect for each other are not present, then it might be a very rough ride, and I won’t recommend going along on that track because there’s likely going to be a lot of hurt and damage on the way.

Hence, if you are convinced that there is love in the friendship, then you can deal with their imperfections. Yes, they might be extremely annoying or exhibit certain excesses sometimes, but you will agree with me that they also have some beautiful qualities that mark their person. Look out for those great qualities and leverage them as you work together to help them grow and become better. Remember, this goes both ways!

Having ticked the above boxes, we can take further steps in fixing the walls! Speak to yourself about the purpose of that friendship, and redirect yourself towards that purpose. What’s your spiritual, financial, emotional, social, intellectual, and developmental goal for your friendship? In what areas are you seeking or do you desire that the bond is worked on? Once those core areas are highlighted, you can start to work on taking a turn in that direction. But before then, there is something that should be done, as this relationship is not one-sided.

You have to also ensure that your friends are with you in the growth process. Therefore, speak to your friends about those things you desire that your relationship births, and listen to them as they share theirs as well. Remember that this is not a competition, the goal is to build a better and stronger relationship that can stand the test of time.

Also, this is a journey where agreement and being of the same mind is key. So, you have to nurture that oneness mindset and the actions that will follow by being in together on the plan from the onset. See to your core values for the friendship, such as honesty, vulnerability, and the like, and talk about the improvements that need to be made.

As part of your resolutions, make a decision to involve your friends in growth-fostering activities and conversations. Gists and banters are essential to have, but they should not be all that there is to friendship. As the banters are going on, there should also be chats about your goals. Take note of the seminars, courses, and conferences to attend together or the ones you would love to recommend to them and inform them about those events.

There are times when sensitive issues may arise, and people are often tempted to avoid talking about them in order to save face or avoid conflicts. However, rather than pile up the hurt or discomfort you feel, you need to have those difficult conversations. Develop the habit of addressing issues as soon as they occur.

If you perceive that addressing the issue immediately is not going to bring about a healthy resolution, you can address it indirectly at the moment by saying that there is something to discuss, but it won’t be at that instant. That way, you have set the pace for the conversation, and you both know that there is something to look forward to. But, despite this, remember not to drag having to conversation for such a long time.

When issues are not addressed in time or are piled up, there is a tendency to develop an unhealthy mindset about the other person, which could eventually stir up irreparable damage later. It’s like filling up a container with dirt till there is no more space to hold it, and then at some point, the overflow starts to pour out.

Another danger that comes with not expressing yourself in time is that you can lose sight of what happened exactly, but the impact it leaves on your mind (which might be negative) remains untouched. The longer the matter stays unaddressed, the more the mindset that is built because of that character grows, especially if you see that the trait is repeated over and over.

In the same vein, there are times you’ll be in the wrong. In such cases, do not allow pride to rob you of the good thing you have going, be humble enough to acknowledge your faults and take responsibility for them. As they talk about how what you said or did made them feel, do not dismiss it, take it as an overreaction, or try to get defensive. It is nice that you tender a sincere apology and give room for progress.

One of the major things that also pose a threat to our friendships is the inability to discern the different seasons in our lives and those of our friends and make necessary adjustments. There are times when there could be a decrease in the frequency of our communications, which is often due to changes in our seasons, locations, or experiences. Rather than making it about ourselves or drawing up conclusions based on assumptions, it should be a call for a conversation. Also, in such seasons, understanding must be built to help navigate those phases successfully.

As we round up our February series, let us be more determined to be better friends and take the work into consideration. This is where we’ll be taking a stop for the month, and next week marks another blog review. Kindly drop a comment on the lesson you have picked from this post or a new resolution you’re making in line with your friendship. Have a beautiful week!❤️