Hello to you, my dear family member! I know it’s been a long while since we last met here, but I certainly believe that you and yours have been well and in good health. Yes, it’s Christmas season!!! It’s the season of festivities, merriments, joy, and laughter, even as we remember and celebrate the beginning of the greatest love story ever told since the beginning of the world!💃
I believe you’ve been having a wonderful time reuniting with family and friends as we all share in the joy that comes with the season, and the awareness that we are right at the doorstep of a brand new incoming year. I also trust that your Christmas did not just go without you showing love to someone and letting him or her know that they are also included in the celebration. Having said that, I hereby release my official “Merry Christmas” shout-out to you! May the joy of Christmas be yours forever!
It’s no gainsaying that 2023 has indeed been a ride, filled with diverse events, memories to recall, and testimonies to share. However, there is no denying the faithfulness of God all through this fading year. Guess who the living witnesses of His goodness are? YOU AND I!!!
Well, it’s not time to wrap up the year on The Mirror and Reflections just yet, so I’ll save the closing remarks and greetings for one last post that I’d love you to be on the lookout for. No, it doesn’t just feel right to muddle everything up with the message I have for you today. You are worth more than that! So, watch out for the last post of the year!
Now, I’m sure you have a question popping up in your mind right from the instant you read the title. I mean, we’re supposed to be in a jolly mood and high spirits, so what’s with the title of the post? How did we come about “Lowly Pangs” during Christmas? Apologies, my dear! I do not mean to disrupt the happy time you have going, but I just want you to take a moment to reflect on a few things.
Here’s a topic that has been ringing in my mind for quite a while, and I’ve pondered so much on what to put out on Pangs, but let’s just say that this is the right time for it to serve its purpose. Also, I’ve been brought to a place of understanding why it came to mind in the first place, and I’d like to share those thoughts with you so you can act on them and be the reason for someone’s smile in this season and beyond.
According to the dictionary, a Pang is “a sharp or sudden feeling of a mental or emotional nature, as of joy or sorrow”. I’m sure you are somewhat familiar with birth pangs, which I would take as a joyful thing though it doesn’t seem like that while feeling the pain, but the realization that it’s for the greater good, the coming of a new life makes it bearable. But then, what do we say to a season of pain coming from a place of sorrowful events and constant tears stemming from a seemingly hopeless and helpless situation?
It is a known fact that different seasons come at us as humans; times when we are at our highest with top-gear joy, as well as times we are at our lowest, taking comfort in solitude and the deafening silence in a poorly-lit room, and those times that you have a sad cause keeping you up at night to brood and shed tears.
It is that time that you cannot exactly capture in words that feeling of grief, or you cannot even tell anyone what you are experiencing though they are present, or those who care can’t even scale the walls to reach you. Do you now see why we cannot just close our eyes at Christmas and pretend that there aren’t people who are currently in these shoes? If we are indeed going to have a fun-filled and fulfilled Christmas celebration, we need to look in their direction and reach out in love.
If any of the above descriptions look like what you’ve been or are going through, or if you are a friend who desires to be present for someone in these shoes, let’s talk about how to get through and past those feelings. I have some things to tell you in the next paragraphs; I’ll be speaking first to you image of God in this situation, before addressing your well-meaning support system.
First, I want you to know that you are seen! You have always been seen, and you will always be! No matter how much you may have tried to hide it or make every other person believe that all is going fine, there is Someone who actually understands how you feel. There is no hiding from His face because He made you, He cares about you, and He wants to identify with you even at your lowest, not just on days you feel on top of the world. Dear one, find comfort in this- God sees you!
Hey, you need to acknowledge that pain or grief! Well, denying it might have helped to keep it away for some time, but I think it’s time you stopped putting off the feelings or conversations that go in that direction. When you come to terms with the feeling, you are one step closer to getting help, which hiding it will only deny you.
Also, it’s high time you had a conversation about what’s going on with someone around you! Of course, you don’t want to let it out to everyone. I also understand that it’s a personal thing and you don’t want everyone eventually getting to know about it. However, I’m sure there is that one person in your corner who is trustworthy and has been so concerned, willing to see you get out of that phase, and would give anything to see you enjoy the light of day again.
It’s time to let them in on the issue and walk together, even work towards a solution. Dear one, you can’t continue to nurse the wound all by yourself or bottle it in forever, it’s only going to do you more harm than good. This is your person, and you can be sure that you are safe with him or her. Let them know about it, it’s perfect timing!
Speaking of talking to someone about the challenge, there’s another Person you should actually let in first. Hey, have you spoken to your Maker about it? Yes, He has been aware right from when it happened, but it’s not a bad idea to recount it all to Him, letting Him know how you feel exactly, not leaving a single detail out.
Are you angry with how everything has played out? Let Him know! Do you feel helpless? Oh, He wants to hear about it! Does it sometimes feel like there is no coming out or bouncing back? Well, say it in His ears, and He will be glad to give you better news that opposes those thoughts! Remember this; He’s the only One who can determine how it all ends, and His intended ending is always perfect, no harm or hurt inclusive!
I think you should also document how it’s going; where and how it all started, where you are currently, and where you hope to land or how it would eventually turn out. Start to pen it all down in a journal. It might not seem significant at the moment, but you will be glad to have noted it down by the time you emerge victorious. Imagine getting to lay your hands on that journal weeks, months, and years later and the gratitude that would flood your spirit! This is one of your action steps to victory!
In all your reflections, remember that you are better than the situation, no matter how otherwise it seems. Let this realization drive you to the place of positive confessions and affirmations. There is a truckload of affirmations for you in the Bible, get your hands on them and confess them as often as you can. Feel free to confirm statements that align with your faith and the light you have received from the Word.
This is the point where I strongly recommend the use of sticky notes. Write your affirmations and confessions on them and place them where your eyes can easily catch them. As you confess over and over again, your mind is renewed to see the possibility of better events to come. Also, you are empowered to take steps in that direction.
Feel free to dream and envision yourself in a better position, the place you will love to be in. You deserve to be in that space where happiness abounds, and even God loves it for you. Therefore, don’t rob yourself or allow he who has no say over your life to throw in words that do not align with the good intentions of your Maker for you. See yourself in a better light, allow yourself to go in that direction, and boom, you are there!
I hope you are beginning to feel lighter by the letter. Well, we are not done yet! I’ll just take a few more paragraphs to speak to the support systems, and then I’ll call it a post. Stay with me!
As a friend in need and indeed, you have to be sensitive! Pay close attention to your friend’s quietness, laughter, contributions during conversations, etc. You will be surprised that these could be sound pointers to what they are experiencing at that time. Even when they are all chatty, playful, or extremely hyper, don’t just assume that all is well. Some people can be in a hyper mode even when things are going south, all in a bid to hide from the reality at hand. Therefore, your sensitivity is required!
Never belittle anyone’s grief or pain! If it has taken someone everything in them to tell you how they feel or what they are going through, how can you just throw it in the bin by saying “And so?”, or “What’s so special about it?” Hey, they can make do with your kind words and empathy! If you don’t have the right words for the moment, your physical and emotional presence and a little “everything will be fine” here and there will be appreciated.
Also, don’t interrupt them as they recount their experiences. It’s best to listen calmly to all that they have to say. Some people just need you to be the listening ear at that moment. Allow them to pour out all that they’ve held in for so long without you throwing in judgments or negative comments.
Even in instances where you think they are at fault, don’t be so quick to rub it in that they’re going through the consequences of their actions. They know it already, and they are looking for a way to get past that guilt feeling. Please, be nice with your comments. If it’s necessary, when you have the chance at a better time, you can point out where they got it wrong. As you do that, remember to also point out how they can get it right.
It is also important for you to make your presence known. Yes, let them realize and be reassured that you are present and you are willing to hear them out whenever they are ready. They might not be ready to talk at the instant you want them to, but it’s fine, give them some space and time! However, don’t just zone out as you wait for them to express themselves. Keep reaching out in love, they will yield when it’s time.
This one is in the top tier; don’t go telling the world what you have heard from them. If someone has counted on you as a confidant, and trusted you enough to tell you about their pain, you shouldn’t break that trust by letting out what you’ve heard or washing their dirty linen in public. Keep the information private, and let them share their story when they deem fit! It’s something to be proud of and happy about when they eventually get past that phase and you’re counted as one who went through the journey with them.
Also, do your best to find a workable solution with them! If there is anything you can do or an idea that can launch them towards solution, don’t hold back. Together, look for ways to move forward. Even during periods that they are worn out or not motivated to fight for a better cause, be the voice of reason. Don’t give up on them, and never allow them give up on themselves.
The most important of all that you can do as a friend is to put them in your prayers. Where your words and presence cannot reach, your prayers can get there and even go beyond. You don’t need to have the whole picture of what they are going through before being serious-minded as you pray. Pray with them and for them! Call them by their names and release words of light into their lives!
I know it has been quite a long read, but I believe it has blessed you in no small way. Also, I believe you have been brought to the light and seen how to approach the issue positively. No matter what it is, you’re going to be just fine!
As we celebrate this season of love and happiness, I pray that that situation which has become a constant source of tears and gloom by the day receives a lasting solution that will henceforth bring joy and wipe away your tears. No, it will not be your end! From this moment, your hope is revived and kept alive. You stand tall in the confidence that you have a Father who can bring the best to your doorstep, and it becomes your reality. You are loved!
To the wonderful support system, you receive the wisdom to stand with your friend in a time like this! You say the right words and make the right moves. As you address the situation together, you go in the direction of lasting solutions. When the storm is over, you will celebrate the victory together! You are gold!
Alright, let me cap my pen here! Thank you for reading through with so much patience. You already know how much I love you. Be sure to expect the last post of the year as I mentioned earlier. Once again, I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year in advance!
